


Am I Enough?

by disgruntledchowchow



Category: Bridgerton (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disgruntledchowchow/pseuds/disgruntledchowchow
Summary: Daphne’s a tad insecure.
Relationships: Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Basset
Comments: 29
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

Daphne was sitting up in their bed, legs crossed underneath the covers as she watched Simon disrobe before he would get into their bed with her. She watched as his nimble fingers swiftly unbuttoned his waistcoat before moving on to his shirt. Those fingers that knew just how to touch, tease, twist and thrust to bring her pleasure. Those fingers that were deft and sure as they divested her of her clothing. Those fingers that were quite unlike her own delicate, nervous fingers that required her full concentration to remove clothing, both his and hers.

“Are you sleeping with anyone else?”

Simon froze and turned to face her.

“What?”

Daphne shifted from side to side a bit, clearly uncomfortable, and apprehensive. She hated herself for it, truly, but she had to know. She was not one to let things go. Even if it was the answer she dreaded hearing. She wrung her hands, and her eyes shifted around the room as if trying to find anywhere to focus other than her husband who was still standing there, frozen in shock.

“You can tell me. I…I won’t be upset. I understand. I just want to know.”

“Tell you what? Understand what? There is nothing to tell you. Where the devil is this coming from?”

Simon could feel his blood start to heat up, and the anger build deep in his chest.

“Simon. I’m not stupid.”

“And neither am I. What the hell do you think of me?”

Daphne felt anger rise within her as well, and she straightened her spine to meet his eyes. “You know I think the world of you Simon, but what am I supposed to think when too still haven’t answered the bloody question?” She could feel her composure slipping and anger starting to colour her voice as she spoke.

Simon stared at her incredulously. “You seriously think I am unfaithful to you. After everything we’ve been through.”

Daphne felt angry, furious in fact but she could feel desperation leak into her tone and tears start to drip down her face as she spoke, voice breaking, “Then why won’t you just say it. Tell me you haven’t been with anyone else since you married me.”

Simon felt torn. He was furious at his wife’s insinuations, but at seeing her tears he also felt his resolve to stay upset begin to crumble. He turned away from her and began to re-button his clothes. Tone frosty, he finally responded, “There’s been no one else. Not since the morning of our first promenade. It’s always been you.”

Daphne began to cry in earnest now, emotions still high-strung but the relief coursing through her body was a welcome reprieve from the anxious thoughts that had been plaguing her.

Simon felt his resolve completely crumble as he saw his wife hunched over, curled into a ball, her delicate body shaking and heaving with each sob. He sighed and walked over, as he sat on their bed he drew her into a tight hug. He ran his hands over her, murmuring soft words of comfort.

“How about you tell me what brought all of this on.”

Daphne sniffed, and tucked her head back into his chest, too ashamed to make eye contact.

“You’ve travelled all over. I know you slept with many a woman during your travels, women who are experienced and sexy and worldly and they probably know all sorts of tricks and you must have had all sorts of…relations..with them.”

Daphne sniffed again before continuing.

“I’ll bet you didn’t even pick them. women were probably throwing themselves at you left right and centre. they still are. I bet you didn’t even have to pay at brothels, the women were so excited to sleep with you. you’re clearly amazing at making them feel good and you love pleasing women don’t even bother denying it.”

She tucked her head closer into his chest, so Simon had to strain to hear her.

“I don’t know that I can make you feel as good as those women, I had no experience before you and I just want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.”

Simon really didn’t want to laugh. He knew it wouldn’t be well received at the moment. He really really knew he had to control himself. But seriously? His wife was worried that she didn’t please him?

Taking a deep breath, he brought two fingers under Daphne’s chin to tilt her eyes up to meet his.

“Daphne. Sweetheart. Baby. You, sitting there, in a potato sack, hair a mess and no makeup, still sexier, still turns me on more than anyone else ever has and ever will. You’re it, baby. Everything before, that was just sex. But you, with you, it’s everything. and I mean that with all of me. You, my dear, you completely own me, you are the only one I see, only one I want, and that’s forever.”

Daphne gave him a watery smile before bursting back into tears and pushing her head back into his chest.

Simon swore roundly. Hell, what did he do wrong now?

Daphne laughed, though it sounded a little choked through the sobs. “Happy tears. these are happy tears. I love you.”

Simon flipped her onto the bed, caging her in his arms. “How about I show you just how much I love you? That way you never, ever, doubt my feelings for you ever again.”


	2. Chapter 2

She felt Simon’s presence at the door before she heard it. The air changed subtly as if the energy had shifted. Never in a bad way, more reassuring than anything really. She didn’t bother to turn around, retaining her focus on the little angel in her arms. She smiled down, at her. She had never realised that she could love someone so deeply, feel such protectiveness, but here she was. 

“Come to bed sweetheart?”

Daphne felt herself release a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. Gently placing her baby down in the cot, she moved back to gaze at her. She looked so peaceful. So calm. So in opposition to everything Daphne now felt. Apprehension, nervousness, and she knew Simon knew something was up. He had been respectful of her so far, listening and not pushing her, but after their promise to always communicate she knew he was reaching the end of his rope. 

Pasting a smile on her face, and moving quickly as possible, she swept past him with a few words about meeting him in bed, and how she would be there soon. Before he could grab her and look past her weak facade, she practically ran to the duchess’s chambers she had taken to getting ready in. She could feel Simon’s eyes on her until she closed the door and willed herself not to turn around. Leaning against the door, closing her eyes, she thought back to the last couple of weeks. 

.  
.  
.

The midwife had cleared her to resume relations with Simon two months ago, and physically she felt fine, in fact, she wanted nothing more than to feel Simon’s hands, lips, body on her. It hadn’t felt the same the scant two times she had tried to replicate the feelings by touching herself. She hadn’t kept at it for more than a minute or two, she had run her hands over her breasts and felt them larger, and as she brought her hands down, running over the slight swell of her belly that had never been there previously and wouldn’t leave no matter how little she ate or how many hours she rode, and then she would remember looking in the mirror and seeing marks that had never existed, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to cover herself up and forget. 

They slept in the same bed, but normally she tried to retire early enough that she would be asleep before Simon went to bed, she moved to the corner of the bed, out of reach, she wrapped herself in her chemise and robe, refusing to be seen in anything less, and she awoke early to ride. Thankfully the duties as a new mother kept her busy enough during the day she could avoid his questions, his presence, but as each day passed, she felt herself withdrawing further and further, and she hated it. Truly, she wanted nothing more than to return the bubble she and Simon had shared, the one full of understanding and warmth and love, the one where no matter what happened nothing could touch her in Simon’s arms. She wanted to feel that bliss, that closeness, that intimacy that only came with making love with the one you truly loved. She missed the way he used to worship her, spending hours roaming her body, memorising each inch with his lips and hands. She missed the fire that burned in his eyes, leaving no mistake about his intent. It still burned, she saw it often when he gazed at her, but before when it was an invitation to lock the doors, she saw it now as a reason to leave. 

A few days after the midwife had cleared her and they were in bed together, he had attempted to kiss her neck, kiss her and untie her robe, and she had seen that fire in his eyes, and immediately moved away, refastening the robe tighter around herself, distancing herself as much as possible. She hadn’t turned around. She knew what gaze she would have been met with, hurt. She hurt him. She hated him ever feeling hurt, but couldn’t bear that she had been the one to put the expression on his face, but she didn’t know how to put it into words. Couldn’t bear for him to undress her and recoil, or worse, stay with her out of pity. It was best she distance herself now, move away before he could do it for her. 

He had once said that she was it for him. He never contemplated sleeping with anyone else. Not even when they were fighting, and in her heart, she knew he was too upstanding to cheat ever, but the idea of seeing pity in his eyes, of knowing that he was being intimate with her out of pity was too much to bear. A small part of her resented how perfect he still looked. Rakish, sexy, muscular, he was a walking wet dream, and she had never felt less beautiful. To run her hands up and down the valleys and dips of his muscles, she hated that her body no longer was what he had married, while his was still perfect, unchanged. 

.  
.  
.

Letting her head drop back against the door, she had no idea what to do. The last thing she wanted to do was look weak in front of him, to breakdown and let him in to see her insecurities that had cropped up in the last two months. While this sort of limbo where they danced around each other was nowhere near ideal, even worse would be rejection by Simon. At least when they tiptoed around the elephant in the room she could pretend that maybe they would be okay, maybe she could live off the memories and glances at Simon, the comforting weight on the other side of the bed, but to put everything out in the open, to really open up the possibility that they would no longer be together at all was terrifying. 

A knock at the door startled her, and knowing only Simon would be here for her at this time of night it seemed like the decision had been made for her, they were going to have to talk. She knew Simon was reaching the end of his rope, it was only a matter of time before he had snapped and confronted her like she had expected him to, honestly a while ago. 

She sighed and opened the door. She had always preferred confrontation, it was just different this time since she was the one being confronted. Simon walked in, and he looked distinctly unruffled. She took in the creased pants, unbuttoned and slightly stained shirt, she noted the scruff, the red puffy eyes….he looked upset, sad, scared even. She noted his tense stature, his nervous movements…it was the opposite of what she had been expected. She had been expected anger, immediate confrontation, but that was not what was happening, and she felt distinctly off balance. 

She watched him run his hands through his hair, pace back and forth before finally he brought his eyes to meet hers, and she saw his desperation, his fear, and she wanted nothing more than hug him, reassure him, but she held herself back, wrapping her arms around herself. Seeing her protective gesture in response to his gaze, Simon’s face fell. 

“Daphne…did I push you too quickly? I know the midwife cleared you, but were you not ready? Have I been…been too forward? Do you…do you not want to be like that anymore? To not have….relations?” 

Daphne heard how his voice broke throughout, desperation seeping into his voice already coloured with fear. Before she could respond..he continued. 

“Daphne…do you still love me?”

Daphne was shocked to her core. Of course she loved him. What the hell? She knew she was insecure, but him too? Seriously? Him? She wasn’t really sure what to say, but she moved to stand in front of the door to make sure he wouldn’t leave until she reassured him. 

She opened her mouth to speak, she wanted to reassure him but didn’t know what to say. As she stood there, and the silence between them grew, she grew more and more desperate before she finally blurted out: 

“I don’t look like I used to.” 

She watched a myriad of emotions cross his face. She wasn’t really sure why that was what she chose to lead with, but it did sum up the issue quite well. And now it was all out there. She watched as Simon opened and closed his mouth a few times, waiting to hear what he would say. She saw him start to get angry before it shifted more to hurt, and just as she was about to open her mouth to fill the silence she watched as he drew himself up, looked at her, face clear, and said: 

“You’re right.” 

Daphne was thankful she was leaning against the door because she was close to collapsing in a heap on the floor. Apparently, she wasn’t as steady as she thought because Simon immediately moved forward to support her and hold her. 

“You do look different.” 

Simon reached down to untie her robe and gently push it off her shoulders. The gentleness of his actions belied his hurtful words. She wasn’t sure what to make of what was happening, but the shock and surprise kept her from reacting. He continued to unbutton her chemise and undress her further, and only when the chemise fell to the floor did she realize she was going to be absolutely naked in front of him for the first time since she had their child. Her hands flew up to hold the scraps of material to preserve some of her dignity and she tried to hide her face, she couldn’t bear to see the look on his. 

He stepped forward and pulled her hands away from the material, and tipped her head up so her eyes met his. 

“While you have always been perfect to me, absolutely gorgeous, seeing you grow and bear our child, god Daphne you’ve never been more amazing, never more gorgeous.” 

His hands brushed over and cupped her breasts, “These...well I cannot lie I have always been drawn to these, but knowing that the changes to them were for our child, for you to feed them, to care for them, it’s amazing and just serves as a reminder of the miracle your body performed.” 

His hands moved down to stroke her belly. “And this, this is where you carried our child for nine months, where you kept her safe, where you made sure she was healthy and loved before she even came into our arms.” 

He moved his hands to hold her hips, stroking his thumbs over the lines there, “These sweetheart, these are your battle scars. You were braver, stronger than I could ever imagine being in bringing our child into this world and you have been nothing short of amazing throughout that process and after.” 

“Sweetheart you do look different but you are no less gorgeous than the woman I fell in love with and after all, you and we have been through, I could not be more in awe of you, and your strength and I have never loved you more.” 

Daphne had begun to tear up as he spoke, as he reverently stroked her, held her, his touch and his words washing away her fears, helping her see her body the way he did. He really did help. While she knew in her heart that having a child was huge, she hadn’t allowed herself to really take in what she had done, to be proud of what her body had been through, to celebrate it. And more than anything, she should have allowed Simon in, to let him remind her, to let him love her when she wasn’t ready to love herself. 

“Simon...you...you truly mean that? You still want me? To have sex with me?” 

She knew the answer. And she knew he knew she knew. But she had to hear him say it. She needed that reassurance. 

“Sweetheart I meant every word. I love you and I want nothing more than to be with you.” 

She met his eyes. She smiled. It had been a long time since she had really looked in his eyes. Saw him. Felt confident. It felt good. 

Seeing her smile, he smiled, and for the first time he knew seeing her face light up, his light up in return, it felt like he was whole again. His loved his daughter with every fibre of his being but something had been off, not having Daphne with him fully, it felt like a part of him was acutely missing. He drew her into his arms, back where she belonged. 

Back in his arms, she felt at home. She had been adrift in this sea of sadness and loneliness, and for the first time, she felt like she didn’t have to go at it alone. She had Simon. She always did. She just had to let him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!  
> Thank you so SO so much for reading, I hope you liked it —  
> if you ever wanna come yell at me about bridgerton or harry potter or criminal minds or one of my other 34 interests please comment or hmu on tumblr  
> disgruntledchowchow :)) 
> 
> also lmk what you’d like to see more of!!


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